We’re all due for a personal stocktake once in a while, but honest self-analysis can be highly rewarding, writes Amal Awad.
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Go on, take a gander. (Image: SXC)
Sometimes in life you just have to face certain confronting truths about yourself. You’re not always right. You’re not always nice. You’ll make choices that serve your ego rather than your needs. You’re going to let people down.
It’s hardly an enchanting checklist, but life isn’t always magical.
It’s something we struggle with because we spend so much time with ourselves. We see the good, the bad and the odd, and we can live with it because it’s just who we are. Sometimes we embrace it; other times we hide it away like an embarrassing childhood incident. We might even latch on to certain disempowering statements – ‘I can’t help it, that’s just who I am’, or even, ‘If you don’t like it, tough’.
Indeed, we probably say that because hearing someone point out your ‘flaw’ can be difficult. Or you might truly be all right with the parts of yourself others don’t like. But that’s the thing: We’re not the only ones who cast a critical eye over ourselves. It’s one matter to do a personal stocktake. It’s an almost entirely different proposition when it’s forced on you by another. And, eventually, it’s going to happen unless you manage to live a life of pure solitude.
When someone else holds up that metaphorical mirror to your face, you might be surprised by what you see. Perhaps you’ll note how much you’ve grown, changed, shifted over the years. You will like certain things and marvel at how ‘different’ you are. Other things you notice you may not have been expecting, but you won’t necessarily dislike them, either.
But much like the decades, we change and what once seemed a completely reasonable way of doing things later becomes unfeasible. (Like wearing hats with felt daisies on them, for example. Or culottes.) Perhaps we feel more, do less, offer parts of ourselves to others in different ways.
That, I suppose, is a sign of progress, and it’s part of that whole self-development thing I frequently go on about. The more I unpack life and love and duality, the more I realise that we are forever works-in-progress. We’re almost always searching, never satisfied, content that once we get to Point A, Point B looks a whole more interesting.
Who was it that said life is a journey, not a destination?
Yes, that.
And part of the journey is that you encounter some strange and wonderful people and experiences and opportunities, and every now and then, you meet yourself again. You look and feel different. You may have moved forward or sideways, or perhaps you’re still in the same place. But there it is, that metaphorical mirror that all at once condemns and surprises us.
Sometimes, that mirror is just a meeting with someone new. I’m always amazed by how much I learn, not only about myself whenever that happens. Other times, we revisit the past with a fresh perspective. Kind of like watching a movie you once passionately disliked or loved 10 years later, and realising it wasn’t quite as you’d seen it that first time around. (Something-something hindsight.)
Whatever the case, from all of that we can include the obvious: There are essential universal truths about humans (and, I suppose, animals). Perhaps one of the primary ones is that we – all of us – are battling.
None of us hold the keys to ‘happiness’, nor does anyone drink from an elixir that makes everything okay. Life is difficult and trying and it challenges us for as long as we seek difference and joy and experience. Because change takes you away from your norm, and asks you to attempt something new.
The important thing is to recognise that and, rather than look at it all as a battlefield, see it as a vast, endless landscape of opportunity. We couch our experiences in terms of mistakes and regrets, more than we consider the achievements that brought us to a new place in life. This is why self-reflection is so important. It helps us to grow in ways we never imagined.
I think it’s important to see the benefit of a periodic personal stocktake. But you need to own the process, rather than wait for another to hold that mirror up to your face. To see yourself through another’s eyes is confronting, and while it will tell you a lot about your life and what you’re seeking, it’s a process that can begin with you.
There’s no spreadsheet to fill out or box to tick. It’s a far more intuitive and fluid process. But it’s an interesting exercise in self-analysis.
What in you has changed over the years?
How do you receive people into your life and what do you no longer deem acceptable?
On the other hand, what hasn’t changed, in your life currency, the way you live?
This can be an experience of positive reinforcement, or a warning that you’re off course. Either way, becoming more comfortable with yourself is the key, because you can take that reflection – regardless of who’s holding it up to the light – and like yourself no matter what you see.
The post The Mirror Image: Putting Life in Perspective appeared first on Aquila Style.